Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
