Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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