How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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