we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
