i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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