The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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