Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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