its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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