she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
