Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
