i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
