he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
