This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
