Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
