I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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