i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
