I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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