Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
