I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
