I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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