Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
