you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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