Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
