I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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