Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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