we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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