We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
