shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
