sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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