Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
