we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
