he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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