i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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