im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
