I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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