Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
