I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
