I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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