I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this will be a night to untag.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
