I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We just shotgunned beers for America
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
