That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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