Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
