I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
