glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
