We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
