you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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