you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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