did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
