If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize