Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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