Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
