I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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