Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
