glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the condom got lost in my hair
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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