I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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