You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
