His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
