You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I could make wine with my vomit
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I need moral support for this bender
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
