I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
